I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
