Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
