We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
