Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
