I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
