I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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