It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i think my tv is drunk
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
