i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
