I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
