Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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