Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
