Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
