When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Randomize
