How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
