i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
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Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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