wrigley field is MILF paradise
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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