So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
