dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
