All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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