what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i will never coherently bang her
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I need you to use more vowels.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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