Just mADE A PArabola og urine
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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