apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
