I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
