Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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