Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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