You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
