Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Also, beer. Big fan.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
