Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
