dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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