Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
