Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
