i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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