I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
i think i just lost a toe
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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