tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
