At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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