You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize