Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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