why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
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So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
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I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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