I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
