She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
my shit smells like andre
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
