Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
