I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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