If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
