pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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