Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
