2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
