All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
