Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
