You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm getting married
To pizza
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
