DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
cat food counts as protein by the way
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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