So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
