I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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