true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
