I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
