Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
