if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
