Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
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I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
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I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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