Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
