Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
People in love make me want to vomit
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
