Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
