It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
