The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
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The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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