So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
