I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
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I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
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do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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