I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
