Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
