wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Randomize
