Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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