Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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