So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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