the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Randomize