Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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