just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
