if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I think we might need a safe word for this...
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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