On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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