What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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