better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
