I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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