White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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