We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
