i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
