If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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