Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
